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It’s Showtime at High Noons on the Yves of EliteXC

If another season of "Dexter" isn't enough to get you to shell out a few extra bucks a month for Showtime, this Saturday night should deliver the most eloquent argument possible. What is classier than sitting back, putting on some Mozart and watching a bunch of dudes fight? This is why television exists, people.

Your friends at EliteXC deliver the fistic mayhem with enough next-generation talent to keep the whippersnappers happy while giving all us old kooks just enough nostalgia to keep us from switching to a rerun of "The Golden Girls."

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So read up or, better yet, read left to right. I find that works best.

Yves Edwards (Pictures) vs. KJ Noons

After years as an uncrowned lightweight king, veteran face-smasher Yves Edwards (Pictures) will look to become EliteXC's monarch at the expense of one of MMA's most carefully groomed prospects: Karl James Noons (Pictures).

Known to fans as KJ, there was a time when Noons (6-2) seemed unworthy of sharing the same nickname as baller extraordinaire Kevin Johnson. Of course, much of that had to do with the ongoing Pride audition curse, which paralyzed the careers of several prospects. Years floundering on the sidelines quickly ended when Gary Shaw decided Noons would be the man to rule the EliteXC lightweight division. A good idea on paper that was run through the shredder by an atomic KO punch courtesy of everyone's favorite felon, Charles "Krazy Horse" Bennett.

Impressive rebound wins over Edson Berto and Nick Diaz (Pictures) have Noons back in the spotlight and sporting the EliteXC lightweight title. However, that is no guarantee of ongoing greatness considering the task that awaits him.

Normally, the sight of a guy sporting spandex shorts with a smiley face on the crotch doesn't inspire much fear in the hearts of men unless you're that guy who had a seizure the first time you walked into a locker room. Yves Edwards (Pictures) (34-13-1) may wear the smiley shorts, but he has ruined enough smiles to pay for many dentists' mortgages.

While he is coming off a rough stretch that saw him lose five of six bouts, Edwards has found new life under the EliteXC banner. His stunning flying knee knockout against Berto had many an old-school fan remembering ye olden days of Sir Edwards perpetrating grievous injury on many a soul.

Grievous injury awaits someone come Saturday night since neither Noons or Edwards is likely to pass on the opportunity to match wits and fists with a willing opponent. The only question is if Noons is the striker that EliteXC advertises him to be or if that bout with "Krazy Horse" revealed that he doesn't have the jaw to play in the deep end of the pool. Considering Edwards' combination of technical acumen and cranium-crunching power, it's hard to like Noons' chances here especially since he'd be hard pressed surviving any entanglements with Edwards on the ground.

The deck is stacked against Noons, and he lacks the crazy magician eyes of David Blaine to make up the difference. Edwards takes home the EliteXC lightweight title with a second-round knockout.

Hard to say who will walk away from this bout with a bigger headache, Noons or Shaw.

Nick Diaz (Pictures) vs. Muhsin Corbbrey (Pictures)

The ongoing soap opera that is Nick Diaz (Pictures)'s MMA career will get another episode to add to the archives when he takes on the relatively unknown but more than capable Muhsin Corbbrey (Pictures).

Sporting the sort of tattoos you'd expect from a Gilbert Yvel (Pictures) fan boy, Corbbrey lacks the mad Dutchman's temper but more than makes up the difference with a well-rounded style highlighted by the kind of ground wizardry that every Dutch kickboxer only dreams about.

The Harry Potter of the mat routine has served Corbbrey well in his brief EliteXC tenure, helping him notch a pair of wins. An even bigger achievement could be waiting for Corbbrey however, assuming he can get past MMA's answer to Nick Nolte.

Known as much for his excess of talent as his surrealist rants, Nick Diaz (Pictures) (16-7, 1 NC) has made himself into an enigma that would drive The Riddler insane. The only concern is if all that eccentricity is starting to affect a fighter who once appeared destined for greatness in the welterweight division. Razor-thin loss after razor-thin loss put those dreams to an end, and Diaz's run as a pseudo-lightweight hasn't gone much better.

An epic win over Takanori Gomi (Pictures) was overturned thanks to his dalliance with the lovely Miss M and his supposed EliteXC coronation was ruined by Noons. Brought in to be a star attraction for MMA's fastest growing promotion, Diaz might end up turning into a gatekeeper if he doesn't start paying as much attention to his fights as his ongoing critiques of not-so-pure reason.

Even if Diaz shows up in full-blown Tyler Durden mode, Corbbrey's weak takedowns and preference for working off his back won't serve him well against Diaz, who has the kind of jiu-jitsu to shut down Corbbrey's offense while coming in over the top with his underrated ground-and-pound.

Overall, not a good matchup for Corbbrey, who doesn't pose much of a threat to Diaz on the feet and will be lucky to get any offense going on the ground.

This one comes to a merciful end after two rounds of Diaz bringing the pain like Method Man … *insert obvious connecting joke here*

Murilo Rua (Pictures) vs. Tony Bonello (Pictures)

No MMA fan can deny stumbling across Tony Bonello (Pictures)'s Fight Finder page and wondering why in the world a guy who racks up seemingly easy submission wins at a Ruthian pace is stuck slumming in local shows.

The same questions surround the puzzling downward spiral of a fighter who was once one of MMA's most promising prospects: Murilo "Ninja" Rua. Rua was supposed to be next in line after Wanderlei Silva (Pictures) as the standard-bearer for the always sadistic Chute Boxe camp.

Unfortunately, Rua (15-8-1) ended up being Silva's personal bodyguard in Pride and was thrown to the wolves before his technique could catch up to his talent. While he still shows flashes of that talent, you have to wonder if Rua will ever recover from the lopsided matchmaking he endured in his early days.

Not something Bonello (16-0-1, 1 NC) has ever had to deal with, as most of his competition has been overmatched local fighters with little clue about the spot's intricacies. Then again, it is awfully hard to score a rear-naked choke in less than 45 seconds, and the ease with which Bonello has notched many of his wins has led to whispers about whether or not "The Gun" is simply adding glossy entries to his resume.

We know that Bonello can slap on a heel hook, but that isn't getting the job done at this level and he will be tested by Rua's well-rounded skills and savvy, something that Bonello either lacks or has never shown.

The myth of Tony Bonello (Pictures) takes a hit when Rua picks him apart on the feet before giving "The Gun" a taste of his own medicine, a one-sided submission loss. I've been wrong before, but if it happens with this one, I can't wait to read the conspiracy theories that are sure to follow.

Ron Waterman (Pictures) vs. Dave Herman (Pictures)

Because no card is complete without the prerequisite heavyweight tussle, EliteXC and Co. deliver us the ultimate Jesus power of Ron Waterman (Pictures) taking on the decidedly less dei-rific Dave Herman (Pictures).

Maybe they can raise the stakes and let the winner keep the "man" suffix?

Either way, interest should be high in this one, considering Herman (10-0) comes in with a shiny record. He is coming off an impressive dismantling of the much-hyped Mario Rinaldi (Pictures) and may be EliteXC's next big thing in the heavyweight division. The idea of a heavyweight prospect making good would be a welcome relief for any MMA fan.

A solid challenge awaits the youngster in Ron Waterman (Pictures) (15-5-2), who has been on the heavyweight MMA scene as far back as anyone can remember and always seems to have been the kind of fighter custom-built for derailing prospects. With strong wrestling and suffocating top control, Waterman has the style to give green fighters fits, but he also seems to fall apart against opponents who can answer back with offense of their own.

It is a potential problem in the making since Herman isn't shy about taking the fight to his opponents -- which could either be what wins or costs him the fight. Coming out like a Meatloaf-inspired bat out of hell will only get you stuck underneath Waterman, but standing idly by is likely to end the same way.

I'll go out on a limb here and say that Herman has the game to find a way against Waterman, more than likely by taking advantage of "H20" on the feet where he flows more like WD-40 than water.

Rafael Feijao vs. Wayne Cole (Pictures)

The other heavyweight throw down awaiting Showtime subscribers features another blue-chip heavyweight prospect, Rafael Feijao, putting his press clippings on the line against the always exciting -- if not successful -- Wayne Cole (Pictures).

It is an interesting bout for Feijao (5-1), who saw his hype take a hit in the IFL, where, after an impressive drubbing of Devin Cole (Pictures), he lost a bizarre match with one-time UFC prospect and BJJ-ubermensch Marcio "Pe de Pano" Cruz.

Seemingly down on the scorecards entering the third round, Feijao was disqualified for throwing an illegal upkick after having been warned several times about the IFL's relatively simple rulebook.

We've seen plenty of "Million-dollar-talent, five-cent-brain" situations go down in MMA, and Feijao has some work ahead of him to erase the memory of his Wes Sims (Pictures) moment.

While no one is going to tab grand expectations on Wayne Cole (Pictures) (11-6), that is often the ultimate liberator in a sport where the pressure of living up to the hype has buckled the knees and minds of many a fighter.

A return to form awaits Feijao, who picks apart Cole on the feet before getting him down to the mat and scoring a relatively uneventful submission win.

Tragic considering MMA really needs someone to run with the whole "rule-breaker angle." I refuse to believe the sport has made any progress until we find our Ric Flair, and why not have our "Nature Boy" be a huge Brazilian dude?
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