Sherdog.com’s Guide to TUF 5

After last week's fights all that was left for season five of The Ultimate Fighter was determining what the final bracket would be. UFC president Dana White brings in the two coaches to hash out the match-ups. B.J. and Jens both write down what they would like to see happen and after a little consideration, Dana pushes his sheet forward. Lo and behold, Dana's picks were the same as B.J.'s.

Dana was of the opinion that if you matched up the four strongest players with the four weakest, the top four would make it to the finals. The only problem with that is that Jens took umbrage with who was being considered "weak." In particular, Manny was left out of the top grouping, which had Jens boiling and the bickering began. It didn't take long for B.J. and Jens to both announce that they wished they could just get in the Octagon and settle things once and for all.

I never tire from watching old rivals seethe. It really is about as entertaining as anything I can imagine. B.J. gets it started by saying "we'll settle it on the 23rd … you're getting knocked out on the 23rd." Jens fired right back with "Oh my God, tell me you're going to be stupid enough to stand up!" I love it.

So what had Jens all riled up? Let's look at the pairings. Joe Lauzon (Pictures) is up against Cole Miller (Pictures) and Gray Maynard (Pictures) gets Brandon Melendez (Pictures). After that is Manny Gamburyan meeting Matt Wiman (Pictures). The round of eight finishes with the wildcard fight between Nate Diaz against Corey Hill.

Lauzon and Miller have similar builds, but Joe seems to be considered stronger and more powerful. Dana must like what he sees in Maynard, pitting him against Melendez. Jens bristled at the idea of Manny being considered a lesser opponent, but if his boy puts Wiman away, no one will doubt him then.

The one fight that does pit teammates has Diaz facing Hill. Nate believes that no one on Team Penn wanted to fight him or Corey and that's what forced their situation. (I'm not going to argue with him.)

Once the guys are back at the house somebody breaks out the suds and Marlon is able to shake off the disappointment of his loss that has plagued him for at least an hour. Some of the fellas decide to gather around the fire for some hooch.

In regards to the process of tapping out, Marlon tells the guys, "I think you are a chump cause you're not going to die." I just don't understand the rationale. So submissions have no place in his world? He finishes that thought with "I didn't tap, I never will tap and if you don't believe me, you can suck a c___."

Dude, I believe you. I believe everything you say.

So since Marlon has also asked to fight Noah in the finals, Noah is brought into the mix and these two start to jabber at each other. Everybody watching eggs them on, and eventually they decide that the finals can't wait. They can't wait because they are drunk NOW so obviously this needs to get resolved with alacrity.

Marlon tries to knock Noah's chair over so I guess that's grounds for battle. The two guys stand and start the typical pre-street fight routine: take off shirt, turn hat around and bow up to each other like apes in the wild. All that was missing was a few guys wearing white, University of South Carolina hats to complete the scene.

Noah decides to put up his dukes while Marlon stands with hands on hips and his head turned like Superman looking towards the West. "Monster Lobster" stands between them, filling the role of "Big" John McCarthy. Marlon announces that Noah can have the first punch and sticks his chin out. So, Noah takes him up on the offer and throws a right that lands on right on his Leno. Before Marlon knows what hit him, Noah drops down and takes him to the ground.

These guys scramble around in frenzy until they stand back up and Marlon lifts Noah up while facing a guillotine choke from his foe. Marlon sees a nice place to put Noah and drops him down hard into a rock-filled and concrete-edged flowerbed. Noah hits his shoulder and arm hard on the rocks while Marlon slips out. Marlon stands up and drops down with three solid punches from his right hand that connect with Noah's head. The onlookers "ooh and ahh" from the action and Marlon steps out and away and says that he doesn't want to get kicked off of the show.

It seems that heads haven't cooled off enough to prevail since Noah decides to lay a high kick that slaps Marlon right in the face. Marlon just shakes his head in disbelief and Noah walks away claiming that Marlon started it all. The two guys move to the patio where Noah sticks out his hand and don't you know it, Marlon does not accept and instead hits Noah with a left hook that has him going down and on the way Marlon follows up with a right that connects. While Noah tries to catch his fall he's met with a field goal kick from Marlon that has everyone whooping.

Noah recovers and gets up to kick Marlon in the gut. These two tie up again and Noah goes for an armbar while Marlon raises him off the ground and then drops him on the back of his head. This was the final straw, as Noah jumped up and told the guys to get him off of him. Noah's head is cut in the back from the concrete kiss and the onlookers all laugh and revel in the action.

Noah seems to slowly grasp that this might not have been a great idea while Marlon reminds everyone watching at home that he was drunk during that fight. Not sure what the importance of that is but Cole Miller (Pictures) called it "the most technical street fight I've ever seen."

While that may be the case, it doesn't take a detective to know that there will be consequences from this and sure enough Dana is there in the morning to give another one of his lectures.

This time however, Dana's words seem to sting everyone since when he said "For the last six years I've been busting my f______ ass to prove that this wasn't what this sport was about." He explained that this would have the non-fan thinking what they've always thought, that this sport was full of "a bunch of goons." Dana decides to kick Marlon and Noah off the show and includes Berube as well, since he was the instigator.

With the bonus fight over, it's time to move onto the real thing. Cole Miller (Pictures) thinks the key to victory against his opponent Joe Lauzon (Pictures) is to attack him first. Meanwhile Joe seems supremely confident that he'll be able to take Cole straight over to his corner, where B.J. can give him tips. Cole has the height and reach advantage while Joe might be stronger and more bloodthirsty of the two.

When these two get in the ring, Cole tries out his game plan by catching Joe with a left kick while he attempted to get low for a takedown. Joe's neck and chest gets slapped, and before he can react, Cole takes his back and rolls him while looking to get his hooks in. Cole's forearm finds its place under Joe's neck and it looks like Joe might be in danger.

Joe walks his legs clockwise until he's able to get onto his stomach. Before Cole can fully get into a dominant position, Joe pushes him off.

Cole tries to stand, but Joe grabs his ankle and tries for a lock while his opponent spins away. Cole ends up on his back and Joe is able to stand and bring down wild shots from up top that occasionally rock Cole's head.

Cole is very flexible for a tall guy, and is able to keep his legs tangled up with Joe, effectively keeping him from passing guard or raining down flurries. Joe will sometimes find a spot and rock Cole with a punch and in the downtime, Cole keeps working for submissions from differing angles.

Joe stands up and tries to hold onto Cole's legs in order to pass his guard. Cole stays busy and starts axe-kicking Joe in the head. Joe takes a few good kicks and gets some more of his punches to find their mark when he drops down onto Cole. The rest of round one was more of the same as Joe tried to stay on top and come down with the heavy shot from a standing position. Cole was very active from his back however, often connecting with heel kicks and working for submissions.

Round two and Cole Miller (Pictures) throws a kick that gets caught by Joe and he's taken back down. Again Joe tries to stack and pound but Cole's legs and shifting body keep him from getting to put in too much work. Cole tags Joe with a heel that lands just below the ear and immediately apologizes for the foul.

If Dana wants to show the public that UFC fighters have class and are sporting, here are his two poster boys.

So far Cole has been very good defensively and without B.J. Penn (Pictures) there to shout down all of his sub work, Cole may have been able to mount a decent offensive attack. Instead while on his side, Joe comes down with an illegal elbow to the back of Cole's head that caused the ref to stop the action.

Joe is penalized a point while Cole is given time to recover. Cole seems foggy in his responses to the doctor but agrees to continue the fight. Penn yells for Lauzon to get off first in the exchange. He heeds the advice and while the two trade shots, Joe connects with a straight right and left that have Cole running away.

While Joe rushes to close the distance, Cole kicks him away with a foot to the body. Joe throws a foot of his own that lands hard on Cole's side and follows it up with a wild right hand that lands flush into Cole's nose. They scramble but Cole is hurt. He gives up his back and Joe is content to keep punching his head and the hands that cover it until the ref steps in and halts the bout.

Joe is once again victorious and Team Penn is starting to get some steam going. Next week Gray Maynard (Pictures) will look to keep the streak going by taking on Brandon Melendez (Pictures).