Minute by Minute: UFC 76
Jake Rossen Sep 24, 2007
Truth in advertising is still an obtuse concept.
Saturday's UFC 76: "Knockout" had perhaps too optimistic a subtitle, as none of the nine bouts on the card had a concussive finale. Unless, of course, "Knockout" referred to the perpetually interrupted plans to finally match Chuck Liddell (Pictures) against Wanderlei Silva (Pictures).
Fans have seen that bout go from an unlikely fantasy pairing to a
potential, way-past-its-expiration-date bout to total vaporware. I
would not be surprised to see a glitch in the upcoming UFC video
game prevent even their pixilated counterparts from competing.
Per my need for a new water heater, an obnoxious summary of the event follows.
Of course that's a lie. Both are prepared to decapitate the other.
10:04 p.m. A pan across the Honda Center in Anaheim, Calif., reveals a bunch of clapping yahoos angling for airtime. Most of the women seem fully equipped for a flood.
10:06 p.m. Announcers Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan discuss the Chuck Liddell (Pictures)-Keith Jardine (Pictures) main event and its potential implications, which presumably include suffocating Liddell's reputation in an ugly fight.
10:07 p.m. "Lyoto Machida has an unusual style," Rogan says. Accurate, if by "unusual" he means "more boring than public television."
10:09 p.m. Goldberg quotes UFC matchmaker Joe Silva as saying that Fitch is the best welterweight currently in the game. I assume that a win here would make a title bid inevitable.
10:10 p.m. Thiago Tavares (Pictures) enters the arena looking proud, but not too proud: He's wearing Affliction, after all.
10:12 p.m. Scientologist Juliette Lewis, taking a break from measuring her Thetan levels, is spotted in the audience.
10:12 p.m. Tyson Griffin (Pictures) enters the arena to "Eye of the Tiger." Fighters seem to like this song; Stallone himself didn't use it for "Rocky VI." It's a strange world.
10:18 p.m. Griffin takes a shot on Tavares and winds up in guard.
10:21 p.m. Round one ends. It's an easy nod for Griffin, having swarmed Tavares with strikes and ground control.
10:23 p.m. Tavares gets a takedown, briefly garners mount, then gets Griffin's back. Griffin stands up and begins carrying him around like an animate backpack, the Luke to Tavares' Yoda.
10:26 p.m. Griffin works some ground and pound, then tries for a guillotine. When Tavares gets his back again, Griffin pile-drives him into the mat. The crowd cheers, highly responsive to Ric Flair maneuvers that have practical applications.
10:27 p.m. Round two ends. It could go either way, but Tavares attempted several subs and retained ground control for a good portion.
10:31 p.m. Tavares gets two takedowns in a row, then takes Griffin's back for the umpteenth time. Griffin, though, dominates with strikes.
10:34 p.m. "I ween!" Tavares shouts into the camera. Judges, confused, recalculate their scorecards.
10:35 p.m. Or not. It's a unanimous decision for Griffin. Marcos Rosales had it 30-27, which was perhaps too generous.
10:37 p.m. Wanderlei Silva (Pictures) is projected onto the arena screens, and the crowd cheers. If Liddell wins tonight, explains Goldberg, we'll finally see Liddell-Silva. Yes, and perhaps I'll come across the Shroud of Turin at a yard sale tomorrow.
10:38 p.m. Liddell and Jardine battle global warming in the precipitation-drenched shadowboxing montage.
10:40 p.m. David Spade is sighted, which provides a nice estrogen balance for the evening.
10:41 p.m. Machida takes on Kazuhiro Nakamura (Pictures) in a bout that is inexplicably slotted for live broadcast. Nakamura is sporting a bowl cut that makes him look like an Asian Moe Howard.
10:42 p.m. "Not too many people have paid attention to me," Machida says, which is not unlike peeling paint complaining of same.
10:42 p.m. Nakamura enters the arena with an umbrella, presumably for the rain seen in the Liddell-Jardine video. He then peels off approximately 10 layers of clothing.
10:43 p.m. "The Japanese are very strange," Rogan comments. And if you'll kindly excuse him, he needs to go collect his syndication check for forcing someone to vomit up sheep testicles.
10:45 p.m. Machida enters the ring. Somewhere, Chris Byrd just fell asleep.
10:48 p.m. I'm struck with the thought that it might've been better to put Machida against Liddell and Nakamura against Jardine.
10:50 p.m. Judo fails Nakamura as a trip attempt is reversed, and he lands on his back.
10:53 p.m. Round one ends. It was all Machida, controlling position and landing strikes.
10:56 p.m. Machida nabs full mount. He attempts a rear-naked choke, but Nakamura is evasive.
11:00 p.m. Round two is over. It's all "Molasses" Machida.
11:01 p.m. Nakamura lands the best punch of the fight, snapping Machida's head back like the top of a lighter.
11:04 p.m. The fighters vie for control in the clinch. The crowd boos mightily.
11:08 p.m. Machida wins both the decision and a Melatonin endorsement deal.
11:18 p.m. Trotting out for his bout with Fitch, Sanchez looks to be in his best shape ever.
11:19 p.m. Anxious to erase the memory of the loss to Josh Koscheck (Pictures), Diego sprints out of his corner and spends the next two and a half minutes trying for a takedown.
11:22 p.m. He finally gets it. Fitch quickly rights himself and takes Sanchez down in two seconds. Diego tries an armbar, but he can't secure it.
11:24 p.m. Round one is over. Fitch remained in control and landed effective strikes.
11:25 p.m. Fitch lands in Diego's guard, easily the most dangerous place for him to be.
11:30 p.m. Fitch finishes round two with some sharp hammer strikes to Sanchez's face. Things are looking ugly for Diego. Clint Howard ugly.
11:32 p.m. Diego locks up a tight guillotine that has Rogan popping veins in his forehead, but Fitch gives the crowd a thumbs up. Diego tries a triangle; Fitch escapes.
11:39 p.m. Fitch wins a split decision. Rosales was the lone dissident, scoring it 29-28 Sanchez. Between this and the Griffin score, Rosales is [insert tired joke about blind judges here].
11:45 p.m. In what most consider to be the real main event of the evening, Forrest Griffin (Pictures) prepares to take on Mauricio "Shogun" Rua.
11:47 p.m. "I wanted to fight Shogun," Griffin says. Yeah, and girls want a pony, until it craps on the floor.
11:49 p.m. Shogun warms up in the Octagon. He looks like he would enjoy an easy cut to 185 pounds.
11:51 p.m. Rogan says that Shogun "hasn't been stopped significantly." What does that mean, exactly? Renato Sobral (Pictures) choked him out in 2003. Breathing is pretty significant.
11:52 p.m. Griffin enters to some pretty rad music from "The Departed."
11:53 p.m. "Griffin earned $250 to fight Dan Severn (Pictures)," Goldberg says. And thanks to a very generous "Ultimate Fighter" contract, he's making at least double that tonight.
11:56 p.m. Shogun refuses to look at Griffin during the staredown.
11:57 p.m. It's an early firefight, with Griffin and Rua trading strikes. After a scramble, Shogun winds up on his back.
11:58 p.m. Shogun gets the takedown and lands in Forrest's full guard. They stand up.
12:00 a.m. Forrest gets a takedown, and Shogun rolls to guard. Forrest lets him up.
12:02 a.m. Round one is over. Griffin takes it via aggression.
12:03 a.m. Griffin opens round two with jabs. Shogun gets another takedown and lands his most significant strike thus far, an elbow that slashes open Griffin's forehead. Griffin is bleeding like he's reenacting the climax of "Carrie."
12:06 a.m. Shogun is visibly gassed, the pleasures of accommodating American groupies finally catching up to him.
12:07 a.m. Shogun tries a takedown but has nothing behind it. Griffin winds up on top and delivers shots to Shogun from side-control. Round two also goes to Griffin. The Shogun of PRIDE is an absentee.
12:09 a.m. Shogun gets a takedown and lands some ineffectual strikes from within the guard.
12:13 a.m. Griffin flattens Shogun out, sinks in hooks, and chokes him until he gets the tap. It's been the year of the upset. Shannon Ritch (Pictures), thy time has come. Go get Fedor.
12:21 a.m. Peerless prognosticator Randy Couture (Pictures) smiles, Cheshire Cat-style, at another correct prediction. The winning lotto numbers, sir. Let's see them.
12:24 a.m. Jardine's KO of Forrest is shown. Insta-cred.
12:27 a.m. Jardine enters to bagpipes.
12:29 a.m. A relaxed Liddell enters the arena.
12:35 a.m. Both men circle, wading into the pocket. Liddell takes some big swings, but none find their target. Is Chuck's mystique gone? Does the Quinton Jackson (Pictures) KO allow opponents to finally see him as human?
12:40 a.m. Round one is over. Liddell landed more strikes, but it was hardly typical of the domination we've seen from him in the past.
12:41 a.m. Jardine is getting more confident, landing harsh kicks to the body. He knocks Chuck down, but Chuck pops right back up.
12:44 a.m. Jardine is bloodied. When he slips, Liddell swarms him with bolos. It reeks of desperation. Round two goes to Jardine for the knockdown and those vicious body shots.
12:47 a.m. Jardine lands a leg kick, then a big left hook. If Dana White's Tyson analogy is accurate, we're seeing what happens when opponents lose their fear of Liddell.
12:50 a.m. Liddell is perpetually rearing back for a big shot, but Jardine is out of the way by the time it's released.
12:51 a.m. "Chuck just can't get off," Rogan says. Either that, or he's been getting off too much.
12:52 a.m. A desperate Liddell tries a spinning back kick. Too little, too late.
12:54 a.m. Rosales, still hopped up on stupid pills, scores it 29-28 Liddell. The other judges have it for Jardine, who drops the UFC's biggest box-office star to 1-2 in his last three bouts.
At this point, Griffin-Silva seems to make the most sense for the UFC's Dec. 29 show. A win by either man would present titleholder Jackson with a credible contender. Furthermore, Griffin's Everyman appeal would be a good marketing fit for Silva's foreign-conqueror persona.
In any case, life after Liddell appears to have commenced. Hopefully the UFC has been preparing for it.
For comments, email Jake Rossen
Saturday's UFC 76: "Knockout" had perhaps too optimistic a subtitle, as none of the nine bouts on the card had a concussive finale. Unless, of course, "Knockout" referred to the perpetually interrupted plans to finally match Chuck Liddell (Pictures) against Wanderlei Silva (Pictures).
Advertisement
Per my need for a new water heater, an obnoxious summary of the event follows.
10:00 p.m. The live broadcast opens
with Diego Sanchez
(Pictures) and Jon Fitch (Pictures) discussing their bout. Both men
seem mawkish, reserved and pessimistic about their respective
chances.
Of course that's a lie. Both are prepared to decapitate the other.
10:04 p.m. A pan across the Honda Center in Anaheim, Calif., reveals a bunch of clapping yahoos angling for airtime. Most of the women seem fully equipped for a flood.
10:06 p.m. Announcers Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan discuss the Chuck Liddell (Pictures)-Keith Jardine (Pictures) main event and its potential implications, which presumably include suffocating Liddell's reputation in an ugly fight.
10:07 p.m. "Lyoto Machida has an unusual style," Rogan says. Accurate, if by "unusual" he means "more boring than public television."
10:09 p.m. Goldberg quotes UFC matchmaker Joe Silva as saying that Fitch is the best welterweight currently in the game. I assume that a win here would make a title bid inevitable.
10:10 p.m. Thiago Tavares (Pictures) enters the arena looking proud, but not too proud: He's wearing Affliction, after all.
10:12 p.m. Scientologist Juliette Lewis, taking a break from measuring her Thetan levels, is spotted in the audience.
10:12 p.m. Tyson Griffin (Pictures) enters the arena to "Eye of the Tiger." Fighters seem to like this song; Stallone himself didn't use it for "Rocky VI." It's a strange world.
10:18 p.m. Griffin takes a shot on Tavares and winds up in guard.
10:21 p.m. Round one ends. It's an easy nod for Griffin, having swarmed Tavares with strikes and ground control.
10:23 p.m. Tavares gets a takedown, briefly garners mount, then gets Griffin's back. Griffin stands up and begins carrying him around like an animate backpack, the Luke to Tavares' Yoda.
10:26 p.m. Griffin works some ground and pound, then tries for a guillotine. When Tavares gets his back again, Griffin pile-drives him into the mat. The crowd cheers, highly responsive to Ric Flair maneuvers that have practical applications.
10:27 p.m. Round two ends. It could go either way, but Tavares attempted several subs and retained ground control for a good portion.
10:31 p.m. Tavares gets two takedowns in a row, then takes Griffin's back for the umpteenth time. Griffin, though, dominates with strikes.
10:34 p.m. "I ween!" Tavares shouts into the camera. Judges, confused, recalculate their scorecards.
10:35 p.m. Or not. It's a unanimous decision for Griffin. Marcos Rosales had it 30-27, which was perhaps too generous.
10:37 p.m. Wanderlei Silva (Pictures) is projected onto the arena screens, and the crowd cheers. If Liddell wins tonight, explains Goldberg, we'll finally see Liddell-Silva. Yes, and perhaps I'll come across the Shroud of Turin at a yard sale tomorrow.
10:38 p.m. Liddell and Jardine battle global warming in the precipitation-drenched shadowboxing montage.
10:40 p.m. David Spade is sighted, which provides a nice estrogen balance for the evening.
10:41 p.m. Machida takes on Kazuhiro Nakamura (Pictures) in a bout that is inexplicably slotted for live broadcast. Nakamura is sporting a bowl cut that makes him look like an Asian Moe Howard.
10:42 p.m. "Not too many people have paid attention to me," Machida says, which is not unlike peeling paint complaining of same.
10:42 p.m. Nakamura enters the arena with an umbrella, presumably for the rain seen in the Liddell-Jardine video. He then peels off approximately 10 layers of clothing.
10:43 p.m. "The Japanese are very strange," Rogan comments. And if you'll kindly excuse him, he needs to go collect his syndication check for forcing someone to vomit up sheep testicles.
10:45 p.m. Machida enters the ring. Somewhere, Chris Byrd just fell asleep.
10:48 p.m. I'm struck with the thought that it might've been better to put Machida against Liddell and Nakamura against Jardine.
10:50 p.m. Judo fails Nakamura as a trip attempt is reversed, and he lands on his back.
10:53 p.m. Round one ends. It was all Machida, controlling position and landing strikes.
10:56 p.m. Machida nabs full mount. He attempts a rear-naked choke, but Nakamura is evasive.
11:00 p.m. Round two is over. It's all "Molasses" Machida.
11:01 p.m. Nakamura lands the best punch of the fight, snapping Machida's head back like the top of a lighter.
11:04 p.m. The fighters vie for control in the clinch. The crowd boos mightily.
11:08 p.m. Machida wins both the decision and a Melatonin endorsement deal.
11:18 p.m. Trotting out for his bout with Fitch, Sanchez looks to be in his best shape ever.
11:19 p.m. Anxious to erase the memory of the loss to Josh Koscheck (Pictures), Diego sprints out of his corner and spends the next two and a half minutes trying for a takedown.
11:22 p.m. He finally gets it. Fitch quickly rights himself and takes Sanchez down in two seconds. Diego tries an armbar, but he can't secure it.
11:24 p.m. Round one is over. Fitch remained in control and landed effective strikes.
11:25 p.m. Fitch lands in Diego's guard, easily the most dangerous place for him to be.
11:30 p.m. Fitch finishes round two with some sharp hammer strikes to Sanchez's face. Things are looking ugly for Diego. Clint Howard ugly.
11:32 p.m. Diego locks up a tight guillotine that has Rogan popping veins in his forehead, but Fitch gives the crowd a thumbs up. Diego tries a triangle; Fitch escapes.
11:39 p.m. Fitch wins a split decision. Rosales was the lone dissident, scoring it 29-28 Sanchez. Between this and the Griffin score, Rosales is [insert tired joke about blind judges here].
11:45 p.m. In what most consider to be the real main event of the evening, Forrest Griffin (Pictures) prepares to take on Mauricio "Shogun" Rua.
11:47 p.m. "I wanted to fight Shogun," Griffin says. Yeah, and girls want a pony, until it craps on the floor.
11:49 p.m. Shogun warms up in the Octagon. He looks like he would enjoy an easy cut to 185 pounds.
11:51 p.m. Rogan says that Shogun "hasn't been stopped significantly." What does that mean, exactly? Renato Sobral (Pictures) choked him out in 2003. Breathing is pretty significant.
11:52 p.m. Griffin enters to some pretty rad music from "The Departed."
11:53 p.m. "Griffin earned $250 to fight Dan Severn (Pictures)," Goldberg says. And thanks to a very generous "Ultimate Fighter" contract, he's making at least double that tonight.
11:56 p.m. Shogun refuses to look at Griffin during the staredown.
11:57 p.m. It's an early firefight, with Griffin and Rua trading strikes. After a scramble, Shogun winds up on his back.
11:58 p.m. Shogun gets the takedown and lands in Forrest's full guard. They stand up.
12:00 a.m. Forrest gets a takedown, and Shogun rolls to guard. Forrest lets him up.
12:02 a.m. Round one is over. Griffin takes it via aggression.
12:03 a.m. Griffin opens round two with jabs. Shogun gets another takedown and lands his most significant strike thus far, an elbow that slashes open Griffin's forehead. Griffin is bleeding like he's reenacting the climax of "Carrie."
12:06 a.m. Shogun is visibly gassed, the pleasures of accommodating American groupies finally catching up to him.
12:07 a.m. Shogun tries a takedown but has nothing behind it. Griffin winds up on top and delivers shots to Shogun from side-control. Round two also goes to Griffin. The Shogun of PRIDE is an absentee.
12:09 a.m. Shogun gets a takedown and lands some ineffectual strikes from within the guard.
12:13 a.m. Griffin flattens Shogun out, sinks in hooks, and chokes him until he gets the tap. It's been the year of the upset. Shannon Ritch (Pictures), thy time has come. Go get Fedor.
12:21 a.m. Peerless prognosticator Randy Couture (Pictures) smiles, Cheshire Cat-style, at another correct prediction. The winning lotto numbers, sir. Let's see them.
12:24 a.m. Jardine's KO of Forrest is shown. Insta-cred.
12:27 a.m. Jardine enters to bagpipes.
12:29 a.m. A relaxed Liddell enters the arena.
12:35 a.m. Both men circle, wading into the pocket. Liddell takes some big swings, but none find their target. Is Chuck's mystique gone? Does the Quinton Jackson (Pictures) KO allow opponents to finally see him as human?
12:40 a.m. Round one is over. Liddell landed more strikes, but it was hardly typical of the domination we've seen from him in the past.
12:41 a.m. Jardine is getting more confident, landing harsh kicks to the body. He knocks Chuck down, but Chuck pops right back up.
12:44 a.m. Jardine is bloodied. When he slips, Liddell swarms him with bolos. It reeks of desperation. Round two goes to Jardine for the knockdown and those vicious body shots.
12:47 a.m. Jardine lands a leg kick, then a big left hook. If Dana White's Tyson analogy is accurate, we're seeing what happens when opponents lose their fear of Liddell.
12:50 a.m. Liddell is perpetually rearing back for a big shot, but Jardine is out of the way by the time it's released.
12:51 a.m. "Chuck just can't get off," Rogan says. Either that, or he's been getting off too much.
12:52 a.m. A desperate Liddell tries a spinning back kick. Too little, too late.
12:54 a.m. Rosales, still hopped up on stupid pills, scores it 29-28 Liddell. The other judges have it for Jardine, who drops the UFC's biggest box-office star to 1-2 in his last three bouts.
At this point, Griffin-Silva seems to make the most sense for the UFC's Dec. 29 show. A win by either man would present titleholder Jackson with a credible contender. Furthermore, Griffin's Everyman appeal would be a good marketing fit for Silva's foreign-conqueror persona.
In any case, life after Liddell appears to have commenced. Hopefully the UFC has been preparing for it.
For comments, email Jake Rossen
Related Articles
