As most of the legitimate members of the fight sport media and most of the fans that have attended live fights will tell you, there are always things that occur during a live fight event that drive you nuts.

Usually newbie reporters and fans (I was once one of them, too) overlook some of the annoying situations or simply don’t recognize them right away. But after time, virtually every fan and reporter will encounter every single environmental hazard listed below.

The funny thing is, as much as these things drive me bananas, I have come to look forward to them and can usually predict when something cliché will occur. Countless times I have witnessed these unexplained phenomena and what’s pathetic is that it will never change.

So, without further ado, let me run through a list of 10 of the most annoying things that happen at all live fight events (whether it be MMA, boxing, etc).

1) “Fans” in the media section

Yes, reporters in the media section who are perched ring- or cage-side to do their job have seen it too many times to count. Fans from the stands never get to witness this unfortunate occurrence, but it happens quite a bit and it’s usually at UFC events.

I look forward to observing sometimes-rabid fighter fans in the media section at least three times an event. Fight reporters are supposed to be unbiased and are never allowed to cheer or jeer a fighter no matter what. But you’d be amazed at how many times I’m stuck sitting in front of some moron who shouts instructions to a certain fighter or jumps up and down, screaming his head off because “his boy” just won.

What’s even more shameful is when a few suits of a certain West Coast mixed martial arts organization blatantly cheer for a certain fighter and literally scream for a victory. I won’t elaborate as to who that was, but you get my drift.

2) “Fans” who boo relentlessly once the fight hits the ground

Ah yes, the typical American Idiot fight fan, the one who wants to see carnage and death with every match. If a fighter doesn’t get his face ripped off like he would after a barracuda attacked him, boos and screams of “Just knock him out you pussy!” emit from the stands. This usually occurs once a fighter scores a takedown for the second time in the first round because — gasp — God forbid he wants to submit his opponent. Look for these individuals to be scattered all across the arena, usually wearing business casual attire.

3) “Bite his ears!”

No matter what you will hear this screamed several times throughout a fight event. It usually happens when the crowd quiets down and there is a lull in the action. But there will always, always be some buffoon in the seats who thinks he is cute and original and will assuredly scream “Bite his ears!” That is usually followed by a few chuckles and then the guilty party will almost certainly pump his arm in the air like he just scored a touchdown and then high five his buddies.

It was funny the first time someone screamed it back in 1997, but after almost a decade, the lame joke is old. But just listen closely and you will absolutely, positively hear some banshee scream this, no matter what sort of fighting event you are attending. So yes, my brothers: Bite his ears.

4) People who know little but act like experts

My personal favorite: the annoying expert. You see these cats at every fight and oftentimes at parties. It’s happened to me hundreds of times. I’ll be standing around with my friends who all know my involvement within the fight game, especially boxing. Then some yahoo will come up to me, usually after about five or six beers, and immediately start talking about Mike Tyson (even if I am talking MMA).

This guy will always start bellowing about how great or terrible Tyson is. I usually always dodge the Tyson conversations because it is a no-win situation, so then I’ll bring up something else. These idiots always try to take over conversations and when someone of knowledge is speaking, this guy will always, no matter what, continuously interrupt because he doesn’t want to actually listen.

Sure enough, this walking encyclopedia of the fight game will try to spew forth witty facts and figures and try to explain to me about why this guy sucks and why that guy rules. And most of time the expert refers to fighters as “that one dude” or “that guy, you know — that one guy.”

Of course, when asked to give concrete reasons about his opinions or when some basic trivia-type questions are asked, the guy usually gets embarrassed or confused and walks away and thinks I am an ass — which I am.

5) Huge fights that never happen

How many times have huge showdowns been pumped up and rumored to be happening, only to see one fighter back out, become injured or fight someone else? It doesn’t happen too much in MMA yet — and I mean yet — but in boxing? Oh lord. I could on and on for months. This, clearly, is the most annoying aspect of the fight game.