Five more turkeys:

5. Official Denials
For the purposes of the point, I’ll admit to watching professional wrestling as a youth. (A small, socially awkward youth, with suspected psychological afflictions. Nothing’s changed.) If you were Hulk Hogan or Bret Hart, the last guy you wanted to see officiating your match was Earl Hebner, a dirty, double-crossing snake of a referee who blew calls, ignored fouls, and -- in at least one instance -- had his evil twin enlisted by Ted DiBiase to rig a match in his favor. (Rigging a pro wrestling bout was a little too rich in irony for 1980s audiences.)

2009 has been a record year for Hebner’s spiritual offspring, who have watched fighters foul, poke eyes, grab fences, and launch air-to-groin strikes with military precision. Properly and duly bloodied, a fighter can then look forward to a judge declaring the comatose man in the opposite corner the winner.

There are many fine officials working for commissions. There are also several in dire need of remedial training.

4. CSUC
Authority is supposed to at least give the appearance of infallibility, a concept that the California State Athletic Commission has never spent much time exploring. After controversial Executive Director Armando Garcia resigned in late 2008, reform was supposed to sweep through offices: instead, they were met with accusations that regulators accepted free tickets to boxing and MMA events; that Commission members charged with overseeing hand wraps nearly missed Antonio Margarito’s hands being wrapped in brain-rattling plaster; and that an MMA fighter who had tested positive for Hepatitis C had been allowed to fight, with the board later declaring that test a “false positive.” And this is just what happened to leak out.

3. Junie Browning
A Kentucky misanthrope with the all the charm of a mutating virus, Junie Allen Browning turned a 2008 season of “The Ultimate Fighter” into his own personal reality series; some viewers were absolutely certain that it was a put-on, and that no individual could be so genuinely putrid. Browning’s ultimate gotcha: he was worse. Months after being worked over by Cole Miller in April, Browning was arrested for threatening hospital workers who were trying to assist him when he was brought in for a Klonopin overdose. The UFC quickly bounced him, but he will want for a nothing in a world where Doctor Drew needs to replenish his “Celebrity Rehab” cast on a biannual basis. Browning fights Saturday. Try to care.

2. Inaction Jackson
Not since Ken Shamrock huffed and puffed his way through a contemptible coaching job has an athlete’s image been battered the way Quinton Jackson’s has in the current season of “The Ultimate Fighter.” The show had barely begun airing before Jackson announced he was pulling out of a December 12 bout with rival coach Rashad Evans; onscreen, Jackson ribbed contestants -- not genially, but with a sharp streak of menace and disrespect, riffing on everything from names (he forgot them) to man-boobs (he groped them). When his fighters were tied in knots -- which happened virtually every time they fought -- he was too preoccupied with his own image to bother tending to them. Reality TV may be a manipulative game, but it’s also a bit like alcohol: it just makes you more of what you already are. And we don’t need any more of Jackson.

1. Jose Canseco
The only man in history to headline a celebrity boxing show in an Aston, Pa., ice rink against Danny Bonaduce, the only former major league baseball player to face Hong Man Choi in the Yokohama Arena, and the only name athlete to film a reality show about his attempt to kick testosterone injections -- all in one tremendous year. The thing that Jose Canseco would not do for money has not been invented yet: if you have sight of a bald eagle, a rock, Jose Canseco, and a $100 bill, you will have a memorable afternoon. Until then, have an E-Cigarette on him.

Check out turkeys 10 through 6.