Giving Thanks II

Yes, it was just Thanksgiving again, a weekend to reflect on what people are thankful for and to savagely thwart would-be consumers of the hot holiday product during the sheer treachery that is Black Friday.

This time of year is also the marking of my celebrated column known as Giving Thanks. My inaugural write-up last year was a huge success (in terms of readers being entertained and asking for its return). Enjoy the holiday piece, and for whoever is out there shopping during the holiday crunch, feel free to send me as many Hot Wheels cars as you like.

Thank you, Mauro Ranallo, for giving me the biggest laugh of my entire life over something a play-by-play commentator said during a telecast. Tonya Evinger (Pictures) had mentioned something about wanting to make out with opponent Gina Carano (Pictures), and your reference to touching what she said "with a 10-centimeter pole" was brilliant.

Thank you, Showtime and EliteXC, for not taking some bogus politically correct stance and firing Mauro for his priceless and timely joke. Had the companies opted to release Mauro, I would have protested loud, clear and angrily.

Thank you, Forrest Griffin (Pictures), for not only doing a terrific job as an alleged rapist/murderer but also playing a somewhat convincing corpse with a spot of fake blood on your chest. Griffin, for those who missed it, was a guest star in the hit TV series "Law & Order: SVU" and played the role of a champion MMA fighter named Mike Kona. Griffin was innocent, but the victim's father gunned him down in the police station. Forrest might not win an Emmy for his role, but he's certainly a far more convincing actor than anybody on a daytime soap or Keanu Reeves.

Thank you, Kimbo Slice, for making the legitimate street fighter of today a hot commodity in MMA. I can see it now: Street fighters the world over will believe they can compete in the UFC and eventually tear through everybody from Franca to Fedor. Thanks, Kimbo, as every wannabe backstreet bully now has an opportunity to continue to do absolutely nothing with their lives.

Thank you, kiwi farmers, for continuing to harvest such a yummy fruit.

Thank you, Zuffa, for continuing to waste everybody's time with your nonsensical "interim" title that you keep fabricating. I thought those lousy gold-plated plastic straps were a thing of the past when Randy Couture (Pictures) toppled Tito Ortiz (Pictures), but here you are "treating" the fans to an interim lightweight title due to Sean Sherk (Pictures)'s steroid test (see: two above) and now a bonus welterweight one!

Thank you, Merriam Webster's thesaurus, for helping me with my columns and reports. Even though you contain thousands of different words for thousands of other words, I am still compelled to use some form of the word "bombard."

Thank you, Lyoto Machida (Pictures), for keeping alive the spirit of karate. I thought that form of martial arts died with Pat Morita.

Thank you, King Fedor, for not signing with the UFC and not being able to fight the best fighters in your weight class that you have yet to fight. Instead, you will be fighting Hong Man Choi (Pictures). Yay.

And finally, thank you, loyal readers of Sherdog.com and this column: Without your dedication to reading the content on this site, particularly this column, I would have nothing to do in my spare time. If not for you reading what I write, I'd probably resort to mowing my lawn with scissors just to pass time.

Hit me up at www.myspace.com/sherdogsloan