Lightweight Matches to Make After UFC 118

“Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports, sports ... Marge, Bart rides up in the front seat today because he's a good guy at sports.”

As always, “The Simpsons” perfectly crystallizes why sports are so important -- they give us a guilt-free reason to subjectively idolize, and tear down, the most competitive human beings alive.

Grand philosophical breakdowns aside, the UFC lightweight division is in need of some top-to-bottom matchmaking services to complement the announced rematch between Frankie Edgar and Gray Maynard. No worries: I’ve got the solutions, maybe.

B.J. Penn vs. Clay Guida

Trying to match Penn when he’s coming off two straight losses is a vexing proposition for the UFC. Mainly because he’s a valuable commodity, but the lightweight division doesn’t have much in the way of easy fights that fans will find palatable either.

Guida solves that problem nicely. Lay fans would flock to see him fight his own reflection, and he’s just enough of a threat to satisfy my inner matchmaking purist. Penn’s two bouts with Edgar crystallized the notion that beating the prodigiously talented Hawaiian means staying in his grill and making him uncomfortable.

If nothing else, “The Carpenter” will be ready to scrap for a full 15 minutes each and every time out. Granted, Guida certainly doesn’t have Edgar’s skill, but Penn has lots of questions to answer about how badly he wants to be great.

Kenny Florian vs. George Sotiropoulos

With losses to a pair of former champions and the current No. 1 contender, it’s hardly unfair to say that Florian is like Goro in “Mortal Kombat” -- the last terrifying, four-armed demon to overcome before earning the right to take on the shape-shifting devil wizard.

It’s high time Sotiropoulos, he of the 6-0 UFC record, get a crack at the nightmare beasts occupying the tippity top of the division. Florian makes for the best style clash of the bunch. Reason being that Sotiropoulos has something Florian desperately needs -- a dynamite offensive guard.

So while Florian would enjoy a wrestling advantage, he’d still be dealing with someone who can more than hold his own on the feet and rock a dangerous guard. Should the Aussie pull out what would be a career-changing win, well, let’s just say the champion needs to watch his back.

Joe Lauzon vs. Kurt Pellegrino

The New York/New England sports rivalry makes “Inglourious Basterds” look like an episode of “The Golden Girls.” With the UFC now free to put on shows in Boston, capitalizing on this insane geographic turf war is a must.

Unfortunately, there aren’t many New York-bred mixed martial artists -- thanks a lot, New York State Senate -- but something tells me Bostonians would have no qualms about booing Jersey boy Pellegrino into oblivion. Especially if he’s standing across the cage from Lauzon, who is fresh off a brilliant showing in front of his home crowd.

Besides the obvious bad blood waiting to be boiled, both men are uber-aggressive grapplers with some undercover game on the feet. Not every fight can be a title eliminator, but a fight like this one can remind you why significance can often pale in comparison to quality.

Nik Lentz vs. Terry Etim

If Lentz is going to be all froggy about shooting in for takedowns, the UFC would do well matching him against someone capable of doing something about it. Etim’s snappy striking and ability to create submission-seeking scrambles are the perfect foil for the one-note “Carnie.”

After his uninspiring win over Andre Winner at UFC 118, the hype on Lentz has slowed to a crawl. This is precisely the sort of fight he needs to prove that he can excel in to move further in the lightweight division. Regardless of the impact on his career, Etim has the style to keep this fight from becoming an extended stalemate.

Standing, Etim will not wait around to defend takedowns nor will he be shy about working off his back for submissions. How Lentz reacts to the dual-pronged offense of the Briton makes for a fight well worth watching -- I hope.

Cheap Shots & Quick Thoughts

Andre Winner vs. Dennis Siver: The Russian-cum-German kickboxer Siver is expected to be a part of the UFC 122 card in Germany and is still waiting on an opponent. Winner came away from the Lentz bout seemingly unscathed and could make for a bout of the same caliber as Siver’s burner with Ross Pearson.

Gabe Ruediger vs. Mike Pierce: Fighters like Ruediger who come in on short notice against even shorter odds are usually afforded a return bout, albeit a not particularly winnable one. Should Pierce choose to make the move down to 155 pounds -- as he should -- this is the perfect kind of showcase bout to reintroduce him to the viewing public.

Follow Tomas Rios as he ponders the import of brief, nameless lives to GALACTUS @Tomas_Rios