God bless Randy Couture (Pictures), but Perry Mason he’s not.

Cementing what most sideline know-it-alls figured already, the prospect of endless courtroom jiu-jitsu proved to be too much for the 45-year-old heavyweight champion. Tuesday afternoon, he threw in the towel and ended any further legal tussles with the UFC.

The result is a new three-fight deal with the promotion, which begins Nov. 15 against genetically modified behemoth Brock Lesnar (Pictures). Couture and the UFC are optimistic a deal can eventually be struck with Fedor Emelianenko (Pictures), Russia’s limb-torquing Paul Bunyan. And providing he doesn’t start coughing up dust, there’s probably a place for Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (Pictures) somewhere in there.

“I’m certainly under time constraints,” Couture said Tuesday during a conference call. “I can’t sit around in courtrooms for very long. I want to fight.”

No kidding.

Whether Couture’s interpretations of his contracts were right or wrong, the U.S. legal system makes glaciers look like Carl Lewis in comparison. Zuffa was fully prepared to ensnare Couture in a legal holding pattern -- not unlike Helio Gracie cooking opponents in his guard for hours on end. A possible result would’ve been Couture emerging as a near 50-year-old free agent, a novelty act at best and a rejected fight licensee at worst.

Compromised by the calendar, Couture returned to the UFC, losing some face in the process but recognizing that wasting what precious little time he has left proves no point. Against Lesnar, he stands to make a lot of money, and there’s probably more chance of an Emelianenko bout happening now than ever before.

“When Fedor’s done with his [Affliction] contract, we’d love to talk to him about fighting in the UFC and facing Couture,” UFC President Dana White told reporters.

This may indicate White is open to letting Emelianenko compete in a one-off bout, or it may not. Either way, it’s a far cry from White’s previous assertion that the Russian was a farce.

It’s clear Couture’s sit-out wasn’t all for naught: He gave a voice to disgruntled talent in a very public forum, forcing the UFC to evaluate its employee relations and taking steps to appease reasonable concerns.

Not long after Couture’s exit, the UFC’s power tower shifted, with the comparatively genial Lorenzo Feritta coming on board to help manage the company full time. Even Tito Ortiz (Pictures), sworn enemy of White, won’t completely rule out a return to the fold.

Couture’s situation obviously had an impact on the company -- and what impacts the UFC impacts the entire industry.


This isn’t to say the UFC has suddenly turned into a bunch of fight fan philanthropists. Fact is, Couture-Emelianenko was really the only bout -- aside from a Kimbo Slice-Tito Ortiz carnival -- that could do any appreciable business outside of the UFC. Why let someone else do it? If the only downside is that your heavyweight champion loses to a guy who’s done in one, White’s inevitable spin that Couture was “too old” would soothe most of the damage.

The price for Couture’s defiance -- and there’s always a price -- is physical. Taking a 14-month vacation from competition in your mid-40s is a far different situation than when you’re in your 30s or 20s. The body is less inclined to recover from arduous exertion: your agility and reflexes take a hit.

There are exceptions, and Couture is obviously one of them -- he’s confounded pundits at every turn since his pro fighting debut in 1997 at age 34. Dara Torres qualified for the Olympics in swimming at the age of 41 and won three silver medals. Baseball fans recognize Satchel Paige, who was a world-class pitcher at age 46. (It’s probably worth nothing that none of these activities involved getting punched in the face by a 280-pound man.)

The reasons are clear: An athlete’s VO2 max -- the amount of oxygen the body can use during effort -- declines as he or she ages. If an athlete continues to train intensely, they can slow down that atrophy by about half.

But it still declines.

Couture, though, has traditionally been all too happy to smack the science nerds around. And so come November, we’ll again find him in the underdog role, surrounded by a chorus full of “buts.”

“But Lesnar is a wrestler, too …”

“But he’s much bigger …”

“But he’s 45 now …”

Couture will smile at his opponent from across the ring, as if he knew something we didn’t.

And usually, he does. But this time, the fans had it right all along: He’s too old for this s---.

For comments, e-mail jrossen@sherdog.com