Thank Rebecca Lord that Zuffa arranged a Tuesday night UFC Fight Night or else I’d basically have nothing to write about. I was going to throw another Monday morning column your way until I realized that Tito Ortiz (Pictures) and Ken Shamrock (Pictures) were going to trade blows the following day, so I opted to skip it until today.

This way, it’ll kind of tie in with tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter (not to ruin anything, but I promise that on tonight’s telecast, there will be some comedic mischief, fighters talking into the cameras, a fight and a loud shirt on Dana White).

Tito, Ken and all that jive

For starters, Tuesday’s “fight between arch rivals” Ortiz and Shamrock finally and mercifully came to an end. Ortiz, like 99.999999999 percent of the MMA world predicted, smashed Shamrock into smithereens and scored a first round stoppage.

Good grief for Shamrock and his fans, but goody gumdrops that he has finally come to his senses and is contemplating retirement. I hate to see legendary figures like Ken and Royce Gracie (Pictures) get pummeled, especially when I know there is absolutely no chance of victory weeks before the fight actually occurs.

Here’s wishing Shamrock the best in his post-fighting days, assuming he’s done, and a request to good friend Dana White about making Shamrock a permanent commentator: he truly is one of the best in the biz.

As for Tito, it’s comforting to see him rip apart Shamrock like he did — that is what elite fighters are supposed to do when they are pitted against foes who logically cannot come close to winning.

Wanderlei Silva (Pictures) has made a career out of fights like that in PRIDE, but when the “Axe Murderer” is actually in the ring against fellow upper echelon fighters, Silva usually prevails in spectacular fashion. Unfortunately for Tito and his legion of fans, his winning streak will come to an end come December 30.

Tito can beat virtually any fighter in his weight class, but he can’t defeat Chuck Liddell (Pictures). Unless he alters his plan of attack and can somehow manage to get Liddell off of his feet, it’ll be a short night for Ortiz, one he’ll forget and have to be informed about once he wakes up.

Now, that is not a jab at or knock on Tito whatsoever; he’s an awesome fighter who will one day regain his light heavyweight championship. I am just a firm believer that he will never be able to beat Liddell no matter how many times they fight.

Tito’s only prayer is to drag Chuck to the ground, because if he doesn’t that stand-up attack of his will do nothing against Chuck except allow an opening for one of those heat seeking missiles attached to Liddell’s right forearm.

TUF 3 fighters show very little

To say I am flabbergasted that virtual journeyman Jason MacDonald (Pictures) submitted Ed Herman (Pictures) would be an understatement. The fight itself was a thriller and clearly one of the best MMA grappling matches all year.

But to see MacDonald set up that triangle two subs in advance was a thing of beauty. Herman is no fool on the ground and when he fell into that lethal trap, all credit has to be given to MacDonald.

Herman fought harder than anybody I can think of when trying to escape the submission, however he eventually had no choice but to tap. MacDonald and Herman will both be back in the Octagon in no time. Herman shouldn’t keep his head down with this setback; it was a hell of a fight.

TUF 3 champion Kendall Grove (Pictures) looked pretty good in his victory over undefeated Chris Price. Grove pummeled his opponent for a stoppage win, a victory that allowed the Hawaiian to take another step up that ladder.

But Grove didn’t look invincible by any stretch of the imagination and it’ll be quite some time before the lanky fighter is ready for the sport’s elite. He’ll be there eventually, just don’t expect it to happen before 2008.

As for Matt Hamill, boy does he have a looooooong way to go before he is ready for even B Level fighters. Hamill’s raw power and wrestling background allow him to get away with his lack of experience, and his ground-and-pound technique is quite decent. But his stand-up is utterly atrocious.

He’s a very young kid and certainly has enough of a background in wrestling that will open doors for success. But if anybody thinks he’ll be climbing into the Octagon to fight even the top three guys in the WEC or King of the Cage, they are sadly mistaken. Hamill will stick with it and in due time he’ll be a force, believe me.

Let’s just hope that his untapped talent, which is without question a treasure trove, is not squandered to a quick financial gain.

It was great to see Tony DeSouza (Pictures) back in the UFC. Sure, his win over Dustin Hazelett (Pictures) wasn’t televised but for all you kids out there who have never heard of him (there are a ton of you) just wait and remember these three words: Peruvian Neck Tie.

Buentello grenades “Tank”

Wow. Like I didn’t see this one coming from behind a sniper scope’s range. This fight had 40-second KO written all over it in black Sharpie ink and look what happened: Paul Buentello (Pictures) clobbered David “Tank” Abbott in 43 seconds.

All it took was one right hand and that was all she wrote. Tank intimated that he might retire following his most recent loss and I personally think he should hang up his gloves. The sport passed Tank by a decade ago, and there is little he can do from this point forward in terms of landing bigger fights. Take it easy Tank and enjoy your retirement, if that is what you choose to do.

As for Buentello, that was the biggest win of his career in terms of star stature and whatnot. But my question is: who cares? So he knocked out Tank Abbott. So many fighters over the years have beaten Tank that nowadays it’s like making the wall of fame at your local Buffalo Wild Wings for eating their spiciest wings.

At first, it was a daunting task but now it seems that everybody this side of the Mississippi has done it. Talk about beating the snot out of a dead dog. Buentello has so much potential and so much power in his hands that he can easily be the next UFC heavyweight champion (note that I stress UFC heavyweight champ). The problem is that literally everybody that loves the UFC only remembers Buentello as the wooden man who was knocked into 2009 by then-champion Andrei Arlovski (Pictures).

Wow, did Zuffa ever blow that one with rushing Buentello into a title shot.

One final B.J.-Hughes thought

In my last column I outright attacked B.J. Penn (Pictures) for gassing by the time the third round rolled around. He looked terrible and basically gave the fight to Matt Hughes (Pictures). It looked like he didn’t train at all and came in out of shape.

After the fight, B.J. and his team revealed that he badly injured the muscles in his ribcage, which prevented him from performing as well as he should have.

Now, I wasn’t in B.J.’s body that night and by the time my column was written, edited and posted, I had no idea about his injury. If that injury is what hindered Penn from continuing his whipping of Matt Hughes (Pictures), then my apologies. B.J., I honestly didn’t know about it when I wrote the piece. But if this injury is merely a ruse to cover up a lack of training, then you only hurt yourself.

Misc. debris

To further strengthen my point that boxing is dying a slow, miserable death, one of the year’s biggest fights took place last Saturday inside the Mandalay Bay Events Center.

A little more than 6,000 fans showed up to watch the third encounter between rivals Diego “Chico” Corrales and Joel Casamayor. Not only did the fight itself suck, nobody was there to witness it. The arena can hold at least 12,000 people and to have it half full with a fight of that magnitude, it just goes to show you that boxing is slowly slipping into a coma. You know, the same coma American kickboxing has been in since 1989. …

The Strikeforce card last week that featured Buentello and Abbott drew about 5,000 people. That’s a far cry from the almost 19,000 that attended the Frank Shamrock (Pictures)-Cesar Gracie (Pictures) whitewash. Does that mean Frank Shamrock (Pictures) is the biggest attraction in the States or that Strikeforce put together the right card at the right time? …

I’ve decided to put my book on Rumina Sato (Pictures) on hold as a newer, more intriguing idea came up. I’m going to instead work on a tribute book to singer/dancer/flasher George Michael. In the book I’ll elaborate on his years in “Wham!” as well as his solo career. I haven’t finalized a title yet, but I think, “Wham! Bam! Thank You, Sir” is the best one. …

So Tito and Dana are going to actually box? I’ve heard about this alleged sparring session since right before Tito fought Forrest Griffin (Pictures) and from what I’ve know, it was supposed to be a secret. Now the two fight mongers think they can make this a pay-per-view? Come on. Who would pay to see Dana White potentially get his ass kicked? Aside from every member of the MMA media, many ex Zuffa employees and former UFC-contracted fighters, I can’t think of anyone.

For giggles, though, I know Dana is clever on his feet and can box very well. If this is actually going to be only a boxing match like it originally was planned to be, Dana will whip Tito. …

And lastly, speaking of Buffalo Wild Wings, the UFC has become quite popular across the nation, especially in Las Vegas. For the last few UFC pay-per-view events, Buffalo Wild Wings across the Las Vegas area have hosted UFC parties. Guests come in, pay five dollars at the door and can sit back and watch the UFC while feasting on wings and beer.

That must be an absolute gold mine for the Buffalo Wild Wings locations, seeing that every person who enters the bar to attend a UFC party forks over $50. That’s a lot of cash. Good for them!