An MMA Thanksgiving: 2015 All-Turkey Team

All-Turkey Team

By Staff Nov 26, 2015
’Tis that time of year again, folks. While most Americans are sitting around stuffing their faces with turkey and mashed potatoes and mellowing out to some tryptophan, the staff at has compiled its All-Turkey Team for 2015. In the past, mixed martial arts has provided us with quite a few questionable characters, and this year has been no different. The latest group of offenders -- or members -- delivered what might have been the most eclectic rap sheet yet.

From felonies and bankruptcies, performance-enhancing drug suspensions and imploding sponsorship deals to athletic commissions run amok, this squad brings the lunacy from all angles.

With that in mind, we celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday by unveiling the 2015 All-Turkey Team:

Jon Jones

ERIC STINTON: One wonders what it was like to be in Jones’ inner circle in January -- other than awesome, since being able to party hard on the dime of a successful friend is pretty ideal on the face. No, what we’re getting at is this: What were New Year’s resolution talks like?

Jones is not like the rest of us. Things like “eat less junk food, exercise more and don’t avoid my parents’ calls as much” probably didn’t come up in his resolutions. One would imagine things like “fight more than once, clear out the light heavyweight division and take a heavyweight fight” were more to the point.

As of Jan. 4, Jones already had as many fights in 2015 as he did in 2014, and the win over newfound nemesis Daniel Cormier made it look as if he was on track for another year of cementing himself as the most talented athlete to ever grace the Octagon. Then news broke of his failed cocaine test. It was deemed “out of competition,” so his decision win over Cormier stood. Shortly after, he made a public apology for getting caught -- err, doing coke during his training camp. However, after an arduous single night of what must have been thorough rehabilitation, Jones was ready to put the bump behind him.

It was an ominous start of the year, to say the least, yet the cocaine incident would end up being the least of his worries.

A few months later, Jones found himself entangled in the contretemps of next-level boneheadedness, when he drove through a red light into an oncoming vehicle, injuring the pregnant woman who was driving. The longtime champion, who also happens to have the Bible verse Philippians 4:13 inked across his chest, proved that he could do all things through Christ who strengthens him; namely, he fled the scene ASAP and left stacks of cash and marijuana paraphernalia behind. Scratch that, he came back for the cash before dipping out again.

Let’s recap. In 2015, possibly the greatest fighter of all-time singlehandedly caused physical harm to another person -- a pregnant woman, as it bears repeating -- and in doing so managed to make it that much harder for fans to justify their allegiance. He also missed out on a year of competition while in peak physical form and lost the Ultimate Fighting Championship light heavyweight title without actually losing it. Oh yeah, and he technically did a bid in rehab. That’s a turkey-worthy year, if there ever was one.

On the bright side, it won’t be hard for next year to be better. It’s a little early, but here are some preliminary suggestions for Jones’ next New Year’s resolutions. These will almost certainly make 2016 an improvement:

1. Don’t do any cocaine.
2. Don’t run red lights and/or injure pregnant women.
3. Get the title back.

... And one more that should not be changed, sincerely, on behalf of the MMA world:

4. Fight more than once.

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