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I Got an Affliction and the Only Cure is More MMA

Sure, Affliction makes pricey tops designed for fancy lads and the testosterone crew, but give credit where it’s due: These guys know how to put together a fight card.

In particular, they know how to put on a heavyweight fight card, as the success of the company’s debut event Saturday hinges on four heavyweight bouts that run the gamut from simpleminded slugfests to career-defining epics.

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What else do you people need? The Wu-Tang Clan riding fire-breathing tigers while dueling each other with liquid swords? Granted that would rule, but for the time being, you’ll take your preview and like it.

Fedor vs. Sylvia

Like a camera-shy monarch, MMA’s supposed “Last Emperor” has been conspicuously absent from the division he rules over. That trend will come to a long-overdue end when Fedor Emelianenko (Pictures) makes his return against former UFC heavyweight champion turned castaway Tim Sylvia (Pictures).

By now, Fedor (27-1, 1 NC) was supposed to be leading M-1 Global on the path to supplanting the UFC as the premier purveyor of next-generation pugilism. Of course, that plan went over about as well as a scientology seminar in the Vatican.

Now cast as the face of the burgeoning Affliction brand, Fedor stands poised to cement his status as the heavyweight division’s resident Caesar while perhaps establishing himself as a star to mainstream fans who know only what Dana White wants them to know.

One of White’s former employees will undoubtedly have something to say about that scenario, as Tim Sylvia (Pictures) (26-5) attempts to rebuild his resume after a disastrous end to his unlikely UFC career. Originally coming to prominence as an improbable underdog, Sylvia entered his last UFC bout with a chance to silence the legions of keyboard-aided armchair quarterbacks who would have you believe that he is responsible for the West Nile virus, Paris Hilton and Pat Robertson.

For 10 minutes of stunningly one-sided action, Sylvia dismantled heavyweight legend Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira. Those 10 minutes proved for naught, however, as Sylvia’s lacking submission defense proved to be his downfall against one of the sport’s premier grapplers.

The question this time around will be if Sylvia can establish the same dominance on the feet against an opponent capable of snapping limbs and smashing faces with equal aplomb on the ground.

An important variable in the equation is Fedor’s chin, which is nowhere near the adamantium-clad block that saved “Minotauro” from a brutal loss to Sylvia. If the “Maine-iac” can land consistently on Fedor, we may see the Emperor forgetting about new clothes and worrying about hefty hospital bills.

That would be the ideal scenario for any Sylvia fan. But it’s no secret that the favorite son of Maine doesn’t have the takedown defense to consistently stuff takedowns, and once on the ground, the best Sylvia can muster is a completely defensive game that would do him no good against the offensive onslaught of our resident Russian.

No one should discount the possibility of Sylvia landing a bandwagon-busting right hand, but more than likely we’ll see Fedor introduce himself to America with a tidy first-round submission win. Now let us all pray that we’re not subjected to the sight of a postfight Affliction fashion show.

Barnett vs. Rizzo

Any fan of the pre-“TUF” era of MMA undoubtedly remembers the sight of a game Josh Barnett (Pictures) pushing his luck a bit too far against Pedro Rizzo (Pictures) and paying for it with a knockout permanently etched into the memory banks of anyone lucky enough to see it.

While that night marked Rizzo’s last dance with greatness, Barnett (25-5) enters his rematch with the Brazilian bomber still on his game and still on the edge of becoming the heavyweight cash cow that so many envisioned him as. Of course, MMA cares little for bean counters, and Barnett, for all his Roy Hobbs-ian talent, has made a career of flirting with greatness but never quite taking his mistress home for the evening.

Now under the Affliction banner, Barnett finds himself nearing the point where many athletes start having to rely on experience and guile rather than talent and physicality.

That point has come and gone for Pedro Rizzo (Pictures) (16-7), who never could wrest the UFC heavyweight title away from Randy Couture (Pictures) and paid for it with a slow descent down the ranks of a division that once regarded him with the sort of fear that would later be reserved for Croatia’s Jack Bauer, Mirko Filipovic (Pictures).

So the never-ending soap opera of MMA continues with the not-so young hotshot taking on his one-time conqueror in the hopes of washing out a stain on his resume and launching himself onto the platform that was once reserved for him. Considering Barnett’s disastrous toe-to-toe strategy in their first tilt, the safe assumption is that “The Babyface Assassin” has learned his lesson. He’ll likely look for takedowns that should find a home given Rizzo’s creaky legs and fading sprawl.

Barnett will get a rather hollow measure of revenge against a shopworn incarnation of “The Rock” with a second-round TKO via ground-and-pound. Until Affliction pairs him with another heavyweight in his prime, though, the greatness that has eluded Barnett will remain just out of reach.

Rothwell vs. Arlovski

Sure, there are more high-profile tilts on this heavyweight-centric debut for Affliction. But perhaps none are quite so evenly matched as the showdown between a resurgent Ben Rothwell (Pictures) and the obscenely talented but perpetually erratic Andrei Arlovski (Pictures).

Such a description is being generous to Arlovski (12-5). He sleepwalked his way through bouts against Fabricio Werdum (Pictures) and Jake O’Brien before hitting the free-agent market and shacking up with the No. 1 producers of T-shirts with fancy skull prints.

While a pair of uninspired showings will cast doubts on any fighter’s place in the sport, Arlovski is still universally acknowledged as one of the game’s most absurdly talented competitors. And for all his foibles, he still has a dominant run as UFC heavyweight champion to his credit.

No such brushes with greatness have come Ben Rothwell (Pictures)’s (33-5) way of yet, but he enters this fight having gone more than three years without a loss despite keeping a busier schedule than Donald Trump. Of course, the bulk of Rothwell’s opposition has been of the middling variety. This bout represents by far the biggest step up in competition that Rothwell has faced in his entire career.

The existential dilemma thickens as we’re left to choose between the erratic greatness of Arlovski and the consistent blue-collar work ethic of Rothwell.

Given Arlovski’s shrinking violet routine and the increasing regularity with which it played itself out during his UFC days, the smart money is on Rothwell cracking the once-mighty Belarusian early and taking a boring decision as he spends the remainder of the bout stalking a perpetually retreating Arlovski.

There is always the chance that we’ll see Arlovski flash his meteoric talent, which has issued diminishing returns of late for the once-surefire heavyweight stalwart. Rothwell also has that Midwestern grit that Arlovski should try and get bottled for his own purposes.

Another Arlovski bout ends with the Belarusian left to console himself with his stunning girlfriend, personal line of LCD televisions and playboy lifestyle. I can kinda see why the whole fighting thing isn’t so hot for Arlovski right now.

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