Fractured Fight Facts: BKFC 8

Normally, Fight Facts is a breakdown of all of the interesting information and Octagon oddities/cage curiosities/ring rarities on every MMA card, with some puns, references and portmanteaus to keep things fun. This is not that.

Welcome to Fractured Fight Facts, a parodic analysis of the eighth event from Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship. In this article, we slash to ribbons some of the nonsense that went down at this card, rip into what transpired and share a few laughs along the way. You have been warned.

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BKFC put on a show billed throughout the broadcast as "stacked," with no tournament bouts or belts on the line, and trotted out four aging former Ultimate Fighting Championship names to fight for your amusement. The event featured a headliner that lived up -- or down -- to its expectations, a hematoma that would stand up next to other great head lumps of the past and the most hyperbole we have heard in days.

Putting The "C" In Championship: For the first time in company history, no belts were on the line nor were any tournament fights contested at this event. Every show prior has brought at least one fight that had immediate divisional implications of some kind.

Sounded Like Public Access: With dozens of audio issues throughout the broadcast from start to finish, BKFC 8 shattered the record for the most on-air equipment failures in bare knuckle boxing history.

No, I'm The Best: Multiple times during the show, various figures around the company claimed that Artem Lobov vs. Jason Knight was not only the greatest fight in bare knuckle history, but the greatest fight in combat sports history. This is the highest level of hyperbole in the fighting world since One Championship bragged about its One Century doubleheader being the biggest event in martial arts history six days ago.

Negative Yardage: In the pre-fight press conference, BKFC President David Feldman promised a money-back guarantee that the rematch between Lobov and Knight at BKFC 9 would be worth every penny. If the event fails to deliver, it would likely become the costliest show in BKFC's short history.

Not-So-Hot Mic: During that press conference, a microphone was inadvertently left on for a staff member, and that unnamed staff member openly scoffed at the idea of such an expensive promise. Upon realizing what happened, that staff member was fired on the spot, making that stoppage the quickest by TKO (Termination) in organizational history.

Pill Baloney Is Back: On the broadcast, the promotion quietly displayed an image that showed that on the undercard of BKFC 9 in November, UFC legend, 0-1 bare knuckle boxer and overall NYBA Phil Baroni would be taking on bare knuckle boxing champion Bobby Gunn. Baroni made his debut in the sport by falling down against Chris Leben at now-defunct BK promotion World Bare Knuckle Fighting Federation last November.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Hands: In the BKFC lightweight tournament, ex-UFC and "The Ultimate Fighter: Season 14" cast member Johnny Bedford won it all after four fights in a year. For his hard work, he earned a shot at BKFC 9 against the inimitable Charles Bennett, who broke both of his hands to lose by TKO in his BK debut in August 2018. Bennett will be looking to capture the record for the fastest TKO (Hand Injury) loss in the sport's history, and is reportedly studying tape on Brian Bowles vs. Dominick Cruz at WEC 47 for guidance.

Do You Understand The Words That Are Coming Out Of My Mouth? Despite several reports stating that the legendary Wanderlei Silva had signed with the upstart BK promotion, Silva teased the audience multiple times by asking if they wanted to see him fight in the "Squared Circle." The only ones in the crowd that cheered were too intoxicated to understand what he was saying.

The MM-A-Team: During the downtime of one fight to the next, the camera crew cut to three men sitting cageside: Anthony Johnson, Fabricio Werdum and Silva. If they teamed up, those three men would likely be able to beat up any action movie team including "The Expendables" or "The A-Team" featuring Quinton Jackson.

I Fear Them, Paul Buentello: As the main event was set to be introduced, ring announcer Jeff Houston quizzed the crowd on what time it was. Unaware of the response involved, he was met with near-silence on his first request, and a few people reading the times on their phones aloud on his second. Neither answer was what he was seeking; he wanted them to reply "It's Time to Knuckle Up," which is a catchphrase a whisker above "Don't Fear Me, Fear The Consequences."

I Don't Know What I Expected: In the main event of BKFC 8, Antonio Silva and Gabriel Gonzaga combined for 544.8 pounds of meat in the Squared Circle, marking their fight among heaviest in BKFC history. It was also the saddest.

If A Tree Falls In The Forest, And No One Bets On It, Does It Make A Sound? The betting line for the headliner was split, with 5Dimes billing Gonzaga as the -130 favorite, while Bovada awarded a similar line for Silva. No sportsbook was crazy enough to put up a single prop bet on these fights.

A Little Punchy: The men in the star attraction combined for 20 knockout losses -- 10 each -- in their MMA careers. This is the most head trauma two BK fighters have endured leading up to their place in a headlining bout.

The Highest Level In The Sport: Both men came in to the main event bout having lost five of their last six in MMA, with four of their five losses by knockout for each. For Silva, in a spark of genius, he also decided to take a kickboxing match recently against heavyweight great Rico Verhoeven, and was crushed in the second round after Verhoeven toyed with him in Round 1.

Spring Chickens: At a ripe total age of 80 years young, unfortunately the headliner between Silva and Gonzaga was probably not the oldest match in BKFC history. Whatever it was, we cannot imagine it looked much worse than this one did.

Arnold Adams Coming Right Up: After Silva suffered an embarrassing knockout loss at the hands of Gonzaga, while still in a daze he signed a contract for five more bouts with the organization. In each, the promotion will use his name to build "up-and-coming" prospects in the bare knuckle community.

Window Dressing: Often announced as a UFC veteran on the promotional materials and hype for the co-main event, Jim Alers celebrated one win in his four fights with the UFC. He now holds more knockouts in BK (three) than he had in his entire 19-fight MMA career (two).

Invisible Touch: Towards the beginning of the opening round, Julian Lane's head started bleeding before any damage could be seen on his well-polished and tattooed dome. He is the first fighter in BKFC history to start bleeding before receiving a visible cut.

They Still Let Him Bang: Lane failed to record his second victory inside the promotion against Alers. Had he come out on top, he would have won more fights under BK rules than in his entire UFC and TUF careers combined.

This Is Not The Way To Better Yourself: Dat Nguyen made the intriguing choice to emerge to "A Man Should Better Himself" -- your translation may vary -- by James Wong and George Lam from the "Once Upon a Time in China" soundtrack. Filled with honor and humility, he proceeded to punch Travis Thompson in the face for five rounds to earn a decision win. The most significant strike of the fight came after the bell, when Nguyen's son fist-bumped Thompson.

Are You Experienced? Although introduced as if it was his debut, former BKFC lightweight tournament semifinalist Abdiel Velasquez ran through his opponent David… Rick Caruso. He is the most experienced BKFC fighter to ever make his promotional debut.

Don't Be Jealous: Velasquez set a record for the fastest knockdown in company history by dropping Caruso in the first second of the fight. Jorge Masvidal has since informed the UFC that he would like the referee strategically placed in his bout against Nate Diaz at UFC 244 next month.

Speedy Speed Boy: Not to be outdone by Velasquez, in the subsequent fight between Nguyen and Thompson, Nguyen threw punches before the bell sounded to start the fight. He was unable to secure the negative time knockdown.

Quaid...Start The Reactor: The hematoma on the side of Reggie Pena's head brought upon by Lorenzo Hunt is the largest we have seen in years. We would have to look back to Matt Mitrione growing another head out of his eyebrow while facing Travis Browne at UFC Fight Night 81 in January 2016 to find one comparable, or perhaps we can go down to Brazil to visit with Janaina Soares. The fight was inexplicably stopped after the third round by the doctor.

That's More Like It: Dropping her 115-pound matchup to Delaney Owen by second-round knockout, Sheena Brandenburg returned to her less-than-victorious ways with the defeat. Before she won her BKFC debut in April against Ivana Coleman, Brandenberg had lost her last 10 fights in MMA as a pro and amateur.

At Least It Wasn't Political This Time: Brandenburg branded herself with a shirt that voiced her disapproval with former NFL quarterback and convicted felon Michael Vick. Despite disparaging him on her fight attire, she claimed that it was a statement against dogfighting and not a personal attack on Vick. She also referred to him as "Mike Vick," which has a similar feel to referring to such actors as "Bob Downey" instead of Robert Downey Jr., "Sam Jackson" and not Samuel L. Jackson or "Phil Hoffman" rather than Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP).

Might As Well Jump: Robert Morrow walked out to "Jump" by Van Halen before his light heavyweight battle with Gustavo Trujillo, and lost in 35 seconds. Although Morrow did not jump in the bout, he was briefly lifted into the air from a hellacious right hand before he crashed face-first on to the canvas.

He Can Hold A Note: On the prelims, BKFC announcer Houston shared that a fighter was competing out of the city the event was taking place -- Tampa, Florida -- and in doing so, screamed the word "Tampa" for just under five seconds. In the process, he smashed the record for the lengthiest shout of the word "Tampa" in broadcasting history.